Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.

~~~~~

I souport publik edekashun.

~~~~~

Be nice to your kids.
They'll choose your nursing home.

~~~~~

There are three kinds of people:
Those who can count and those who can't.

~~~~~

Warning:  Dates in calendar are closer than they appear!

~~~~~

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

~~~~~

My kid beat up your honor student.

~~~~~

So many cats -- so few recipes.

~~~~~

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

~~~~~

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

~~~~~

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

~~~~~

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

~~~~~

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

~~~~~

I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!

~~~~~

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

~~~~~

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

~~~~~

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

~~~~~

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

~~~~~

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

~~~~~

Good judgment comes from bad experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

~~~~~

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

~~~~~

Duct tape is like the Force.
It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

~~~~~

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

~~~~~

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

~~~~~

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

~~~~~

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

~~~~~

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

~~~~~

So many men, so few who can afford me.

~~~~~

God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends.

~~~~~

If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

~~~~~

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

~~~~~

Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

~~~~~

Coffee, chocolate, men ... Some things are just better rich.

~~~~~

Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.

~~~~~

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

~~~~~

I'm out of estrogen - and I have a gun.

~~~~~

Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?

~~~~~

Next mood swing: 6 minutes

~~~~~

And your point is?

~~~~~

~~~~~

New State Slogans

• Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

• Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

• Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

• Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

• California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

• Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

• Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet

• Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

• Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

• Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

• Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

• Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

• Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

• Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

• Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

• Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

• Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

• Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

• Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

• Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

• Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

• Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

• Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

• Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

• Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

• Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

• Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

• Nevada: Ladies of the Night and Poker!

• New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

• New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

• New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

• New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney

• North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

• North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

• Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

• Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

• Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner

• Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

• Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

• South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

• South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

• Tennessee: The Educashun State

• Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes, I Speak English)

• Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

• Vermont: Yep

• Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

• Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

• Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

• West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!

• Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

• Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared!!!

Submitted by Seps32

~~~~~

The shortest bumper sticker I've ever seen:
Down with Hot Pants!

Submitted by JayLu

~~~~~

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This page was last edited 02/03/05.